Friday, August 21, 2015

Waiting For The Room To Clear

The silence here is starting to get to me. 

I'm not writing just to write though. 

I'll never do that again. 

I'm writing in the hopes that getting some of the stuff out of my head, even if it's just little stuff, will help me find focus. 

I have no focus lately.

In fact I feel like I have ADD.

My head is so fucking full of thought and ideas it's about to burst. 

Usually my thoughts race around like leaves in the wind.  I either catch a leaf or it blows away.  The leaves don't stick around.  They're always coming and going.   

What's been going on for the last several weeks is very different.

I've been trying to think of an analogy to use but I can't find a poetic way to describe "this", so here goes a long ramble. 

Envision a room.  Not too big.  Not too small.  Just an average room.

The room is painted in a muted eggshell color. 

The ceiling is low.

There are light colored hardwood floors, they're worn.

The room has no windows. 

The room has one door with a overly shiny gold knob. 

You're standing in the room alone at first.

The space is bland but it's comfortable. 

And then...

Every few minutes or so a body walks into the room.  Another body.  Another body.  The room is starting to get full. 

Your standing shoulder to shoulder now. 

There is no ceiling fan.  It's getting hot. 

More bodies pile in.  Nobody is leaving, only more bodies coming.

The space now feels too full.  The air is getting thick.  Why won't someone leave?  Why does everyone want to stay? 

It's hot.  Did I say that already?

You're about to start panicking. 

I'm waiting for the room to clear now.   

Thank god the ideas and thoughts in my head are positive ones but damn, I feel like I'm going insane. 

I can barely manage to get out the mundane. 

I've been writing a life lately post since Tuesday!

The big ideas, they're hiding in the crowd somewhere. 

I may have to bust down the damn door so they can get out. 

In the meantime I leave you with some random shit. 

I'm currently reading 6 books (see ADD).  Six books at one time is not a good idea.  Twenty pages here, ten pages there.  I'm not making any headway. 
Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget, the best book I've read in awhile.  I will finish this book this weekend if it's the last thing I do.
The Good Luck of Right Now, I picked this one up right after my 21 Day Challenge.  Gotta keep the momentum going!
Yes Please, I've got 20 pages left.  Why can't I finish this book???
How to Be a Heroine: Or, What I've Learned from Reading too Much, The first few pages made me feel alive.  I couldn't pass this one up.
Something More, I've been working on this one for more than a year now.  I may still not be ready for the journey but I have yet to give up.
Bossypants, such an easy read.

I've been meditating like crazy this week.  There have been lots and lots of Google searches for "guided meditation for focus".  Despite my best efforts nothing seems to be able to hold my attention these days.  Any advice here?  I stopped taking my meds several weeks back.  Could that be causing my lack of focus? 

I'm back to being totally obsessed with Bethenny Frankel.  Did you guys see her outfit for the RHONY reunion show!!!  I want every piece.  Of all the Real Housewives I have always related to Bethenny most.  I'm happy to see her back on the show.  Beyond that though Bethenny is a total inspiration to me personally.  I hope she gets her shit figured out because homegirl tries so hard at life.  I see a lot of myself in her and I want us to succeed :).  I knew what I was doing when I put meet Bethenny on my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days. 

Mariah and I are off to the beach today!  I will definitely be posting some snaps so be sure you're following me on Instagram if you aren't already.

Good vibes while I continue to wait for the results from the biopsy on my forehead and breast.  Get your moles checked my friends.

Six fun filled days until my 36th birthday!

Taylor Swift in 8 days.  I bought this tee for the concert.  So excited for T-Swift v. 2.

Other than that there have been Padre games, dinners out with my aunt, walks along the beach and work.  Just everyday life.  It's nice to catch up.  It's nice to be back here.  Wishing you all a happy weekend.  


  1. It's nice to have you back! I know the feeling of having too many things on the list, of wanting to do it all but not being able to focus on anything properly. It's tough! No advice here, sadly, because I struggle with that too. Only one thing: Be easy on yourself. It's all gonna be okay!

  2. I hate when my brain is too full. It makes me feel crazy. I try to put the brakes on and clear it out.

    I hope you ladies enjoyed the beach!

    Good thoughts for your results. Happy birthday week!

  3. Thinking of you for GOOD results. Just went through the breast cyst situation - the unknown is always a little unsettling. Sending you positive vibes! Oh - and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Hope it's wonderful!

  4. i loved yes, please! every time i picked it up.. i would laugh so hard and enjoy it.. but for some reason it took me forever to finish too!