This last month kinda snuck up on me. The calm before the storm maybe. Things were certainly far less dramatic than they were in month 4. There were fewer technical problems (thank god). I hosted my first giveaway, but other than that, there were no firsts to speak of. Basically the highs weren't as high, but the lows weren't as low either. Looking back now, I'm not actually sure how I weathered month 4 as well as I did. And of course I still can't believe I got to meet Kendra Scott (read all about it here). That was MAJOR for me so pretty much anything immediately following would have paled in comparison. Not cool I know. When I was a kid my mom would tell me "everyday can't be Disneyland Shannon." That's just one of many lessons that didn't stick.
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that my first 4 months of blogging were so full of technical issues and firsts that until recently I hadn't really had a chance to take a step back and take it all in. Things have happened so fast, I've been bouncing around from one thing to the next, putting out fires, and trying to figure this all out. If you want to take away something tangible from that I would say start your blog in August or September like I did. Things really die down in blogland over the Christmas and the New Years holiday so you'll get a chance to regroup, which believe me, you will desperately need after 4 months of grinding it out.
So what did I do with all my down time you ask. I spent it pondering, reevaluating and thinking a great deal about my hopes and dreams for Brass Honey. Who am I here? Is my voice echoing that of my voice in real life. Am I being my real true self. What do I want from you guys? What do I want from me? As you can see right now thing are a lot less technical and a lot more personal.
My conclusion. Warning, it's kinda deep so if you're not in the mood and you're looking for something lighthearted, head on out for the day (warning over). There are some very real parts of myself here. The thing is, I'm kinda a mess right now. I'm still working out who I am as a person and in a lot of ways that will continue all the years of my life. Right now particularly though, I'm working through some old shitty shit that I'm trying like hell to leave in the past. Now that I've had some time to think about it, I think starting Brass Honey when I did was my subconsciousness way of capturing the growth I know I'm experiencing at this juncture in my life. Like when it's all said and done I'll be able to look back at my mental and emotional state and I'll clearly be able to see how far I've come. I'm documenting what I know millions of people are struggling with. I know I haven't disclosed what exactly that is here, and it's not really important, except that when the positive, lighthearted person I know I'm meant to be surfaces, I'll be able to retrace the inner workings of a pretty messed up mind and hopefully breakdown the steps I took to get to a healthier place.
At that time I'd love to be able to help share how to lose the weight of the world and leave the past in the past with anyone who needs it. That's my hope at least for me and for this place. In the meantime, there are some Debbie downer thoughts here. Not everything is rainbows and kittens. I'm changing, this space will change with me. It's important for me to share this with you guys because lately there's been some "hate" here. I don't want to make it a big thing but I also don't want anyone here judging me and/or leaving this space without knowing what's in my heart and in my mind.
I just want to make it perfectly clear that above anything, I want this place to be a safe place for me and for you to be imperfect. We as humans are flawed, some of us more than others. In spite of that, I want us to grow together here. I want us to help make each other better versions of our already great selves. I don't want to walk alone. I want your support. I want us to be friends. It's happening slowly and it's amazing to me the impact that a "strangers" can have on our lives. I can't say for certain, but I feel like I'm meeting people who have walked down this path I'm walking down now or who are here walking alongside me. It's no coincidence that we've found each other. I'm learning from you and I'm hoping that you're learning something from me too.