Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Five Things Not To Say To A Childfree Woman.

I certainly don’t want to become a spokesperson for women without children (that sounds like a support group doesn’t it?  WWC, do we need a support group?), but there are a few things I’d like to “educate” the general public on.  Just a few little faux pas, snarky remarks, and a couple downright rude comments I hear on a semi-regular basis or almost anytime I meet a new woman because the conversation of children ALWAYS comes up. Just a quick question ladies, but why is it that 98% of the time I meet a new woman the first thing out of her mouth is “So, do you have children?”  Let’s try to think of something else that bonds us ok, and “So, are you married?” is not a suitable replacement.  Once I answer the child question, here are five things I never want to hear in response:   
1.  “I’m sorry.”  This is always said with a sad look like they just saw a golden retriever puppy get hit by a car or something.  There’s no chance that not having children is a choice right?  It must be due to some traumatic ordeal, most likely infertility.

2.  “Who’s going to take care of you when you’re old?”  My money!!!  That’s at least my first thought every time I hear this one.  This too is always accompanied by a sad face, but worse this time.  How could it be worse than an injured puppy you ask?  Well it is.  It’s like they’re actually picturing me in a nursing home, gray haired rocking in a chair alone.

3.  “I didn’t invite you because it was a kid event.”  Because not having children mean I can’t stand to be in the same room with them?  Seriously???  It’s probably for the best most of the time though because when you put a bunch of mothers in the same room the conversation always goes to breastfeeding or diaper rash.  This is also prime time for these types of remarks. 

4.  “You’re just not ready yet.”  Like it’s a maturity issue and it’s bound to happen eventually because life without children just isn’t an option.  I’m 33 year’s old, I’ve been married for 8 years.  I’m not ready now, nor will I ever be.

5.  “When are you going to have kids?”  Very similar to the above, just a little less insulting.  If you have to choose one this is your best bet, but you’re still assuming that I’m eventually going to have children because that’s what women do right? 

Having children is not for everyone, but I understand that either is not having them.  Believe me there are dozens of remarks I could make about people who chose to have kids, and I do, but I keep them to myself, or I joke about them behind closed doors with D because they’re offensive (just keeping it real).  Children are a lifestyle choice and not choosing them doesn’t mean that I hate them, that I can’t stand to be in the same room with them, that my life is empty or that I’m going to die alone.  I’ll leave you with a recent article from Time Magazine for some food for thought and an age old saying, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Having It All Without Having Children- Time Magazine Article 
Bee Happy!


  1. I've struggled with the same questions. All my girlfriends seem either pregnant, with babies, or dying to get pregnant. I used to feel quite defensive about my choice, and still do sometimes, because we women are so judged.
    Thanks for this post! It's nice knowing that I'm not alone.

  2. Hey Shannon, I just found your blog from the Childfree Are We tab on Food, Booze and Baggage. It's refreshing to 'meet' other bloggers that don't feel like having kids and raising a family is in the cards for them! I haven't tackled this top on my blog yet, but I know that it'll come up eventually. I was smiling and memorizing your responses to the comments above because I've heard them too! My husband and I were recently asked when we were going to have kids and when we said we don't plan on it, his response was 'oh that's too bad because you're an attractive couple...' So I'm sensing that all the unattractive people should not procreate, right? Any who, looking forward to reading more from Brass Honey!