Waiting For The Room To Clear

The silence here is starting to get to me. 

I'm not writing just to write though. 

I'll never do that again. 

I'm writing in the hopes that getting some of the stuff out of my head, even if it's just little stuff, will help me find focus. 

I have no focus lately.

In fact I feel like I have ADD.

My head is so fucking full of thought and ideas it's about to burst. 

Usually my thoughts race around like leaves in the wind.  I either catch a leaf or it blows away.  The leaves don't stick around.  They're always coming and going.   

What's been going on for the last several weeks is very different.

I've been trying to think of an analogy to use but I can't find a poetic way to describe "this", so here goes a long ramble. 

Envision a room.  Not too big.  Not too small.  Just an average room.

The room is painted in a muted eggshell color. 

The ceiling is low.

There are light colored hardwood floors, they're worn.

The room has no windows. 

The room has one door with a overly shiny gold knob. 

You're standing in the room alone at first.

The space is bland but it's comfortable. 

And then...

Every few minutes or so a body walks into the room.  Another body.  Another body.  The room is starting to get full. 

Your standing shoulder to shoulder now. 

There is no ceiling fan.  It's getting hot. 

More bodies pile in.  Nobody is leaving, only more bodies coming.

The space now feels too full.  The air is getting thick.  Why won't someone leave?  Why does everyone want to stay? 

It's hot.  Did I say that already?

You're about to start panicking. 

I'm waiting for the room to clear now.   

Thank god the ideas and thoughts in my head are positive ones but damn, I feel like I'm going insane. 

I can barely manage to get out the mundane. 

I've been writing a life lately post since Tuesday!

The big ideas, they're hiding in the crowd somewhere. 

I may have to bust down the damn door so they can get out. 

In the meantime I leave you with some random shit. 

I'm currently reading 6 books (see ADD).  Six books at one time is not a good idea.  Twenty pages here, ten pages there.  I'm not making any headway. 
Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget, the best book I've read in awhile.  I will finish this book this weekend if it's the last thing I do.
The Good Luck of Right Now, I picked this one up right after my 21 Day Challenge.  Gotta keep the momentum going!
Yes Please, I've got 20 pages left.  Why can't I finish this book???
How to Be a Heroine: Or, What I've Learned from Reading too Much, The first few pages made me feel alive.  I couldn't pass this one up.
Something More, I've been working on this one for more than a year now.  I may still not be ready for the journey but I have yet to give up.
Bossypants, such an easy read.

I've been meditating like crazy this week.  There have been lots and lots of Google searches for "guided meditation for focus".  Despite my best efforts nothing seems to be able to hold my attention these days.  Any advice here?  I stopped taking my meds several weeks back.  Could that be causing my lack of focus? 

I'm back to being totally obsessed with Bethenny Frankel.  Did you guys see her outfit for the RHONY reunion show!!!  I want every piece.  Of all the Real Housewives I have always related to Bethenny most.  I'm happy to see her back on the show.  Beyond that though Bethenny is a total inspiration to me personally.  I hope she gets her shit figured out because homegirl tries so hard at life.  I see a lot of myself in her and I want us to succeed :).  I knew what I was doing when I put meet Bethenny on my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days. 

Mariah and I are off to the beach today!  I will definitely be posting some snaps so be sure you're following me on Instagram if you aren't already.

Good vibes while I continue to wait for the results from the biopsy on my forehead and breast.  Get your moles checked my friends.

Six fun filled days until my 36th birthday!

Taylor Swift in 8 days.  I bought this tee for the concert.  So excited for T-Swift v. 2.

Other than that there have been Padre games, dinners out with my aunt, walks along the beach and work.  Just everyday life.  It's nice to catch up.  It's nice to be back here.  Wishing you all a happy weekend.  

Portland, The Good, The Bad And The Food

What a trip!  Portland is quite a city.  In the three days I was there we did  a lot of exploring and tons of eating.

Portland, the good:
1. The city is so green.  There are literally trees, flowers and foliage everywhere!  It's really unlike any other city I've been to in that way, absolutely beautiful.
2. The food is insane.  We ate 3 to 4 full meals a day with each of us ordering several dishes at a time.  I can't express enough just how much food we ate!  Of all the dishes only one was less than incredible and even then that dish was fresh and perfectly acceptable.
3. There's no sales tax.  In general Portland is far less expensive than San Diego and any other city I've visited really.  Every time a bill would come I thought I was being given my half only to discover it was the entire check. 

Portland, the bad:
1. Portland is full of hipsters and I'm just not that cool.  My mainstream self didn't fit in.  By day three I really lowered the bar and found myself dressing somewhat grubby.  Day three was the day the locals were the nicest.
2. The city is a lot bigger and more spread out then I thought.  Once again thank god for Uber.  Getting from one destination to another almost always required a car, especially in the 100 degree heat.
3. Service at restaurants is non-existent.  Mind you we were on vacation so we were not in a hurry but my god.  I'm not use to waiting 20 minutes for a side of cream cheese.  One two accounts I had to get up to ask for our check.  Seriously, I love a leisurely meal but this was on another level.
4. A lot of Portland's most popular restaurants don't take reservations!

Would I go back to Portland?  Maybe!  I like to visit new cities though so unless I fall madly in love with a place the chances of me going back are not great.  With that said I can't emphasize enough how phenomenal the food was so if the right opportunity fell into my lap I'd probably return.

Let's move on with the trip recap now shall we.  Please bare in mind I am not a photographer.  All photos were taken with a shaky hand on an iphone :).  Thank you! 

I'm kicking myself in the ass for not taking pictures at our first stop.  In my defense though I think I was just so excited to be with Yoli that things like taking pictures didn't matter.  We basically plan these trips a year in advance (next year is Napa!) so when they finally roll around I'm like a puppy greeting it's master after a long day home alone #totalspaz. 

Anyways, we enjoyed a two martini lunch at the coolest old school restaurant.  Jake's wasn't on our list of must trys but when our first choice was an hour long wait we moved on.  Totally fine by me because I LOVED everything about Jake's.  Lots of dark wood, table lamps, old forest green carpet.  Everything about the place appealed to me.  Food wise I had a caesar salad and clam chowder which outdid any chowder I've ever had in San Francisco.   

After lunch we took a stroll to Tasty n Alder because the one thing you need after a two martini lunch is more cocktails.

After a few more adult beverages and some great conversation we took a car back to our hotel to check in and then headed to dinner.  It had been at least five hours since we had eaten after all :).    Cabezon was awesome.  A bit off the beaten path but the ambiance and food were both fantastic.


Our first of many rounds of oysters.  We had them everyday.


My Ono, perfectly seasoned and cooked to perfection.

Pate, ono sashimi and red wine.  It's a rough life.

The rest of the evening was spent exploring the Mississippi District #notafan.

When we had had all we could take we found a spot and enjoyed the quintessential I've been drinking all day and now I need carbs meal.  And yes, we are both in pajama shirts and leggings.   Buffalo Gap was the perfect dive bar that just happened to have a super cozy feel.  Our waitress was the best we had all weekend too. 

Nachos and a meatloaf sandwich.

The next morning was a bit of a slow start but we rallied.  Breakfast next door at the hotel's restaurant Aquariva and then a walk along the river.  The property was very scenic but totally basic and three star at best.  On Sunday we had facials at the hotel's spa, my aesthetician was done 25 minutes in and proceeded to spend the next 35 minutes massaging my arms and shoulder.  Not exactly the type of property and experience I'm use to but it served it's purpose.

Around 11:00 we headed to the Japanese Garden.  Pictures do not do this place justice. 
 

When we were chased out of the garden by a cranky old man (literally) we went all 50 Shades and had lunch at the Heathmann Hotel.
 

A little shopping around town, lots and lots of walking, some more cocktails and then dinner at Urban Farmer.

Yoli and I seem to have a routine on these trips.  Go balls to the wall on night one and then find ourselves in bed by 9:00 the next night.  Totally works for me (note, the below picture is proof I was in the bar the night before in my pajama shirt).

And just like that Sunday was upon us.  Breakfast again at the hotel's restaurant.  

Powell's Books!  Omg, I could have spent our entire three day trip in this one building.  Soooooo many books.  I limited myself to three which was hard but I'm very happy with my picks. 

Look at these super cute pillows.  Don't they look exactly like Beeps?  If I was traveling with more than a duffle bag I totally would have bought one!

We attempted to go to Voodoo but I just can't.  You may be noticing a trend here.  I just can't bring myself to queue up for food.  If there's more than a 10 minute wait I'm outta there.  Instead we headed to Dan & Louis Oyster Bar.

Just a cool old building I fell in love with.

Our last picture of the trip.

Our last cocktails of the trip.

Goodbye Portland.