Friday, July 4, 2014

What I've Learned About Living With A Homebody

I've previously mentioned (in this post) that Dar is a bit of a homebody and that I have a love/hate relationship with that part of him.  On one hand I'm incredibly grateful that my man loves our home as much as he does.  I don't have to worry about him ditching me on a Friday night to hang with the boys.  Our time together at home after a long work week is perfection.

There's a flip side though.  I crave adventure.  I love to explore new places and get out into the sunshine to enjoy the fresh air.  Being home for too many weekends in a row makes me cranky!  For 10 years now this gypsy has lived with a homebody.

Dar at home with his fellow homebodies.
 I've learned a thing or two I think some of you might be able to benefit from.

1. First and foremost, you should know that being a homebody doesn't make you lazy.  Dar has a very stressful job where he works his ass off  for 50+ hours a week.  Not to mention the work he does around our home.  The downside to that is that when the weekend rolls around, more often than not, he wants to avoid people at all costs which means staying home.

2,  You should also know that your man will tag along when it's really important to you.  With that said, pick and chose carefully and don't pull the "it's really important to me" card unless it is in fact really important to you.  

3.  This one is crucial!.  You've got to give your homebody ample notice when there's an event/outing you want them to attend.  When Dar and I have plans (really it's me with the plans telling him that it's really important to me that he be there) I make sure to let him know about them a month or so in advance.  Then, between the time I tell him and the actual event, I'll remind him weekly so that he doesn't feel thrown off guard when the event actually rolls around.

4.  It's also important to make the outing as easy as possible on your homebody.  Have the address for your destination plugged into the GPS.  If it's a night out where there's drinking involved, take a cab or get a hotel room so that there are no worries about over doing it.  A plan in place will help your homebody feel like the "situation" is under control.  Most homebodies are homebodies because they feel safe and in control at home.  Try to replicate that feeling as much as possible while your out.

5.  It's ok to go it alone.  Early in our relationship if Dar wanted to stay home, I'd stay home too.  I worried about what people would say or think if I showed up to an event without him.  "Oh god, they must be having marital problems" "He's never here with her" etc. etc..  I missed events that I really wanted to attend which left me feeling annoyed with Darren.  Ultimately I ended up mad at myself because I mean, how stupid.  Anyways, years later I now have no problem hoping in the car and flying solo.  In the end it saves us both a lot of grief.

6.  Like with everything else in life, balance is key.  At this point in our marriage we're in a pretty good groove and we both understand what the other needs to be happy.  I'm more than ok staying home with my homebody a couple weekends out of the month but the rest of the time I need to be doing something.  Whether it's a breakfast out, a walk on the beach or a night away, I've got to make it happen so that I feel like I'm fully living life.

Are you a homebody?  Is your partner?  What tips do you have to share about being/living with a homebody?

The School of Life


  1. Very cool post today! My boyfriend is definitely a homebody. I'm usually the one who has plans or asks if he'd like to participate in said plans. These are great tips since we definitely haven't been together as long as you guys have. :] // ☼

  2. Such a cute post - my hubby is definitely a homebody :)

  3. Cute! I'm probably more of a homebody than P is. He hates to just lounge around, he is ok at home with me but he has to be doing stuff :)

  4. Love you Shannon! Boy we married some hardcore homebodies. I'm more like you & learned if I want to go someplace & he doesn't, I just go, it's not worth forcing him to go or do something he doesn't want to do because I stress out. We always have home time so it balances out. Besides its healthy for a relationship to have your alone time and individual interests.

  5. Wow, I've discovered that I've been here before because I am a San Diego blogger too- and you're on the SD Style bloggers blog roll---and then I rediscovered your blog through Mariah (who actually commented above me.). Sadly, I'm leaving, but I just read through this post and I have the exact same problem with my husband. He is a serious homebody, which is why I find myself leaving him at home and going out either alone, which I don't mind, or with other friends. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one with this challenge and who can make it work. It's really tough sometimes, but I still love him and I know he isn't going to be out at the strip club or something crazy like that. LOL. Not that he'd never be able to go on certain occasions, but you know what I mean!

    See you around later and maybe we'll run into each other whenever I get back and go to an SD blogger meetup!

    Jessica L

  6. Such great tips! Rich and I match each other pretty well when it comes to being homebodies, we both LOVE being at home, with a few outings sprinkled in here and there.
    But there are things he won't do, like going to the movies (weird, right? He hates the smell of popcorn and too many people in one place), so I have a girlfriend I do that with. Number 5 is spot on: we don't have to do everything with our partner, it's totally okay doing things alone or with other people!
    I hope you're having a fun weekend!

  7. ugh i have a love/hate relationship with my husband because of his homebody-ness. it makes me so crazy. like you, i can dig it a couple weekends a month, but when we do go out and his anti-social and just sits almost like a bump on the log, it can really ruin my mood!

  8. I'm the homebody in my relationship!! These are great tips for him to handle me but he does a pretty good job of it. Like everything else it's a balance that you learn to navigate in order to make it work. I like it that you said homebodies are not lazy. I feel so lazy sometimes because I'd rather stay home which is me being hard on myself because it's not like I don't work and take care of stuff around the house.

  9. Ha! I have to do the same thing with my picking and choosing which activities/events are most important to me. J is the same way!

  10. The "situation", gurrrl you are making me laugh SOO much today, I have dearly missed you!

    Glenn and I both have our phases of not wanting to go places. I'm perfectly content most of the time being at home doing my hobbies etc and hate to have plans on a Sunday, it is a day of rest people!! Being in Mount Isa too I think has emphasised this as there's just not much at all to do if you don't like camping or drinking all the time. Or eating in the same few places that serve mediocre food...

    I think sometimes though it's more the thought of going somewhere, like say a night out, I'll get almost stressed about the social situation then when I get there I'm totally fine and enjoy myself.

    Loved this post :)

  11. This is totally a how to guide for dealing with me! I'm a homebody and I nodded along to everything.

  12. Thank you so much. I have been struggling with emotions around this, especially since my husband is now on dialysis, so we are facing other strains on our marriage, and a lack of joy in our lives. Luckily, my husband is super supportive that I go out and have fun on my own or with friends. If I can get one good day a week from him where we relax together at home or run errands it is a win in my life right now. Thanks for reminding me what is important, and how each of us need different things to recharge... home versus people/activities.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing a bit of what you're going through. In tough times it's especially important that we care for ourselves. You're going through some big changes at home and I think it's great that you're allowing yourself to get out and spend time away from the house with friends. I used to get really resentful towards my husband for not being able to "get it together" and go out. In the long run I could have saved us both a lot of headache had I just gone it alone. Good for you for figuring that out sooner rather than later. Wishing you well.