Monday, August 26, 2013

Really Being Real

Lately I find myself giving up on "friendships" that don't allow me to be 100% me.  At 33 I'm sad to say that I don't feel like I have ANY real true connections with friends.  Most of my relationships are more superficial than substance.  

I've moved across the country 3 times over the last 8 years and I know that that's had something to do with it.  It's hard to build long lasting deep connections with people when you're moving all the time. 

I was my own worst enemy for a really long time too.  I had something to prove so I acted in a way that I know came across abrasive and made me unapproachable.  After year's of gong balls to the wall, which will eventually burn you out, I realized the person I was trying so hard to prove something to was me.  The self realization has been amazing, but it's also left me feeling a lot less satisfied with the relationships I have.  

I want more from people, and I want to give more of myself in return.  It would be nice to have a real conversation with someone without having to worry about them judging me or gossiping about me later.  We all want to be loved and accepted don't we?  I just wish we could all really be real instead of putting up fronts so people would like us.  I happen to think my true self is a lot more likeable than my "public persona".

 I see this a lot here in the blog world too.  People only posting things they feel are "blog worthy".  After only a few short weeks I find myself doing it too  That's not why I'm here though.  The number one reason I started this gig was to connect with people, to be a part of a community.  Yeah, I'm going to have outfit posts and I will definitely be posting my latest finds because that's a part of who I am.  It's only a small part though.and if I'm going to do this I'm going to give it my all and do it my way.

 It's more important that I connect with people who have similar interests and who want to build friendships then it is that someone tell me the shoes I pinned are cute (although those comments are definitely welcome too :)).

It's funny though, even now as I write this I'm thinking to myself, is this too much, too weird.  Do you really want to post this?  What will people think.  Kind of like when I'm out at Starbucks or wherever and I see a girl I think I might like to get to know.  My first instinct is always to say hello or start up a conversation, but I don't because I don't want a complete stranger to look at me like I'm a creeper and then go home and laugh about the weird girl that tried to talk to her today.  I guess it's easier to do here in cyberspace.  That's probably why online dating has been such a big hit!

 Part of the challenge comes from getting older, and I get that.  I'm not in a sorority or school anymore and making friends at work, while not impossible, can be risky business.  We have families and other commitments, friendships have fallen down the list of priorities.  

I know this is a long rambling post, and since I'm super new to the blog world I'm sure I should be posting only "blog worthy" content so that I build up my followers.  I just can't stop but feeling like I need to put it out there though.  If you're still reading, thank you.

Bee Happy!

1 comment:

  1. I sometimes find myself posting the "blogworthy" content too and worry about how I come across at times, I often worry that I'm too negative. I think it takes a while to find your voice too though and you certainly have now lady.

    I think sometimes the "friends" we make in our younger years aren't really people we connect with but are there from forced social situations, which isn't a bad thing per se. Though I just don't bother with a lot of those people now and going home I made engagements only with people I wanted to see and had missed a lot. The real ones!

    I like to think that you and are are somewhere on the friend spectrum and hope that we can only become closer friends as time goes on. Too weird? ha