Friday, June 6, 2014

I've Stopped Dreaming

As we were wrapping up yoga last Friday our instructor closed with this.  I made me think, after all I was feeling dispirited.  The thing is, I sing everyday.  I dance all the time and I love stories.  My Sundays spent at home alone and in the peaceful silence are everything to me.  So what else could it be? 

Then it hit me.  I've stopped dreaming.  I don't really have any goals for myself at the point in life, I've met all the goals I set for myself in my twenties.  My life is everything I always dreamed it would be and I've stopped dreaming because of it.

I have ideas, I have things I want to do, but these things don't drive me because for the most part, I'm happy where I am.

Or is that a lie?  Am I really afraid to dream because I don't think my reality will allow for it?  I want to start my own business.  I want to write a book.  I want to take amazing trips. 

I make a lot of money though and if I start my own business, that most certainly wouldn't be the case, at least not in the beginning.  And this job, the one that pays our bills, it requires my time and my attention.  It's not like I could work part time and cover things.  That's reality. 

The book, I guess that's a little more doable since I could do it in my spare time, but I don't.  Why don't I?  My practical mind tells me that it must not be that important to me otherwise I'd be doing it.

Then there are the trips.  Dar would never go with me to Paris, besides, we don't have the money for that.  If I saved the money on my own (allowances), would he be mad that I went without him?  I don't think so, but maybe, but let's be real, I don't think I would.  The bigger truth is that I can't save money.

So you see, the reality of it all stops me from the dream.  I pride myself on being a realist, but in this case, being realistic is not helpful.  As of late I've even noticed that I'm stopping others from dreaming.  D gets all starry eyed with thoughts of building rooftop decks and opening our cabana into the canyon, but before the poor guy can even get the works out, I've put the kibosh on it. 

I am dispirited because I let my dreams fall to the wayside, they aren't as big as my reality.  I don't like that.  How do you start to dream again?


  1. I don't think you can manufacture a dream. It just becomes something you want. Then it has to become something you do. As for Paris. Your dream isn't necessarily going to be the same as his and vice versa. That doesn't mean you don't deserve to invest in it. Provided you get the whole saving money thing down pat!! There is really something to be said for being content in your life and what you have already accomplished. There is nothing wrong with that either.

  2. Never stop dreaming. There's so much more to do in life. Set aside 15 minutes each day to chip away at your goals. :] // ☼

  3. The great news about this little dilemma of yours is that one of the reasons you "stopped dreaming" is because you "met all your goals you set for yourself in your twenties." I mean, how great is that!? And how many people can say that about their own goals? I think that is something to be proud of and celebrate! If you met all your goals from that decade of your life, I am quite certain you have great things ahead for you in the next ones! Good luck, dear!

  4. i have to agree with lauren - you've met all of your goals which is an awesome thing. sometimes we just need to sit back and be content with our accomplishments! but i hear you on feeling that 'itch'; as if you're standing make those plans/goals and go for them! like you, i've accomplished all of my goals by the time i was 25 and there are times i feel that itch; so i set mini goals for myself throughout the year. we all need motiviation sometimes so make those plans and go after what you want :)

    Vodka and Soda

  5. I'm sure you could swing Paris if you really wanted! Maybe not right now but as a future goal, putting away money each time you have a "want" item instead of a "need" item, cut coffee out for a week or lunches out every other week, or don't buy that new pair of shoes, etc, but put money that money away separately. You don't have to do it all the time to save. I'm sure D would either decide to go with you or be happy for you :) I completely agree with Kathy about maybe setting mini goals. Try to enjoy the things that you have accomplished, I think some of it has to do with having a personality that needs that drive, that energy of a goal.

  6. Accomplishing all you goals in your 20s is incredible. Crazy!! Something to be very proud of!
    The thing about life is, that dreams and goals continually evolve and change. Figuring out what it is we want is one of the hardest things ever, and it seems like you are stuck in that place right now. Believe me, I have been where you are more times than I can count!
    If Paris is your dream, start with little baby steps, just like Mariah said - save money, go out to little French restaurants in your area, serve D Cafe au lait and croissants in bed, get him excited!
    I'm sure you haven't really stopped dreaming, it's just buried somewhere inside - dig it out!