Thankful Thoughts

Well you guys, the move was pushed back until this Friday.  The bad news is that I was working like a dog to meet our original deadline (17 hours of overtime in one week).  I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel and then BAM, the hammer got dropped.  The good news however is that I got to enjoy the weekend!  I went for a much needed mani/pedi.  I had my brows thread.  I spent Saturday afternoon vegged out on the couch doing this.

See my pretty nails.  It was bliss I tell you, sheer bliss.  I am so thankful for the downtime and I'm ready to push thought this next week.

I was down at the construction site this afternoon for a walkthrough and took this picture.  Check out the view from my new digs.  Not bad right?  Last week when I wrote, I was under a great deal of stress and was literally limping towards the finish line.  Funny how some time off can change your perspective.  The truth is, this project is great for my career and I'm beyond excited to be moving downtown and into Petco Park.  I'm hopeful that the new location will bring new energy to our workforce.  More so, I'm grateful for the chance to have played such a big part in such a huge project.

I'm thankful for these thankful posts.  I've noticed a huge change in the way I'm looking at things.  Little unimportant things are catching my eye and stopping me in my tracks.  Little bits of everyday life just screaming at me to see them in all of their glory.  Just some weeds and a wall that caught my eye on a walk last week

I'm thankful for you guys.  I'm sure you'll all disappear when you don't hear from me for days, but you don't.  This place is such a great outlet for me.  Only 8 months in and I couldn't imagine Brass Honey not being a part of my life.

I'm thankful for D who continues to cheer me on and support me throught this madness.  He doesn't even flinch. 

I hope your weeks are off to a great start.  I'll be back Wednesday for Humpday Confessions with the fabulous Kathy.  Until then.

Day Dreaming

I've spent a lot of time day dreaming about our upcoming trip to Las Vegas this past week.  There's something about Vegas that's just so freeing!  Caution to the wind, money is no object, excess everything.  For someone who's as structured as I am, it's a complete 180, and I love it.  I was flipping through some pictures from last years trip and thought I'd share.  T-minus 27 days!

Ridiculous in the best way pretty much sums up our last Vegas Vacation.  One Friday back in July after a long week of work and some family drama we spontaneously decided to hop on a plane and fly away.  We are not spontaneous people so that was absolutely part of the excitement.  Three hours later we were packed, had a flight booked, a room reserved and a car waiting in the driveway to take us to the airport.  We arrived at the Wynn around 10pm and I proceeded to immediately change into my pajamas and order an obscene amount of room service.  Woohoo, wild night.  In typical fashion D hit the gaming floor and we commenced in the morning. 

We always always start at least one morning in Las Vegas at Margaritaville.  They've got a great outdoor patio overlooking Las Vegas Blvd, but what really keeps us coming back for more is their red bull and vodka mimosas.  I'll cut to the chase here friends, a night in Vegas means a hair of the dog kind of morning, just go with it.  After a few of these amazing concoctions we're always feeling on top of the world and ready to take LV by storm.  I will say the Flamingo is a bit run down these days, but their Bugsy Bar has this nostalgic feel about it and we always enjoy playing some video poker there.  

I definitely started my day out lucky and I'm happy to report that it only went up from there!

D hit a very similar jackpot a few minutes later and we were on cloud 9.

It seemed like whatever we did we couldn't lose and the day went on like that with us cashing in ticket after ticket.

 I eventually took myself to the nearest Prada where I bought this amazing little wallet in orange.

I was feeling generous, you know with all of this free money, so D came home with a little something too!

Later that night we got all done up and hit my favorite restaurant on the planet, Sinatra.  This place just screams class to me.  The little lamps on the tables, the dragonfly napkins (which I now own thanks to some more casino winnings!)  The wait staff in tuxedos.  The music and of course the food.  I want to order the meatballs and polena fries for my starter, entree and dessert they're just that good.  I have never had a bad experience here and can't wait to return next month.

The next day I hit the spa early for a facial, we enjoyed bottomless mimosas at the Wynn buffet and then rented a cabana by the pool (thank you again casino winnings).  No joke this was the most perfect Vegas Vacation ever.  Lord knows I've been taken to the cleaners and down on my luck at least a dozen times, but that's just the way Vegas is.  You never know.  I can't wait to see how the cards play out for us this time around. 

Glass Half Full

Source

 Guys!  I've seriously lost any grasp I had on what day of the week it is, or what time of the day for that matter.  I look at my watch and BAM, it's already 5:00pm, or whatever time it happens to be.  Anyways, for my personal well being I need to look at this crazy work schedule glass half full.  So here goes.

These long hours mean I'm making extra money!  It's almost to the point that I don't care, but hey, we'll go with it.  When I'm unwinding in Vegas at the Encore Spa and I splurge on an extra treatment, I'll be happy.

I'm gaining incredible experience that I know I can use down the road for MYSELF. That is if I can get over the hurdle that I think starting my own business would be.

In a week I'll be working downtown where there are amazing options for lunch and happy hours.  Bye bye sleepy office park with not much else but Subway and McDonalds.

D is doing whatever he can to keep me sane which means, my chores.

Co-workers are being nicer to me because they know how much stress I'm under.

I'm only eating two meals a day and am not snacking at all so I've gotta be losing weight right?

This madness is not permanent. 

Your turn.  Dig deep and let me know the worst thing you guys have going on right now, then let me know one thing you can be grateful for because of it.   We can do this guys!

Will This Be My Last Climb?

The trouble with wanting more is that you're never happy with what you have.  It's never ending, just like all of these circles. 

Remember when I said I didn't want to Hustle?  I created a cute little graphic and everything.  Well, by created, I mean that I used PicMonkey.  Anyways, clearly that is not happening here in my life.  If it's in your personality to "hustle", is it even an option to stop?  I've spent months in therapy trying to slow down, and nothing.  After today I will have worked 9 of the last 10 days.  That kinda sucks right, but I'm sure we've all been there before.  Every major project seems like it's a race to the finish line.  My next day off won't be until April 5th though.  Yeah, you heard that right, April 5th.  Twenty days with one day off, now that's a problem.  Which brings me to a few thoughts.  Want to follow me down the rabbit hole?  If not, not biggie, I'll be back tomorrow with my list of grateful.

Why am I doing this, killing myself?  It's not like I'm moving MY company.  I'm just an employee at the Manager level, not even a big fancy VP.  I know my boss didn't anticipate me playing as big a role in this move as I have, so why am I?  Even now, I keep saying yes, I keep saying I can do that.

I blame the hustler.  Yeah, I'm now referring to myself like I have multiple personalities (the hustler vs. my quiet little soul).  It's me always wanting more, always wanting "better".  I tell myself that the exposure this project has given me will be good for my career.  I'm like a heat seeker.  I see an opportunity for success and I pounce.  Will this be the project that get me to the next level?  That's how my mind works.

Why do I want to get to the next level?  Why am I not happy where I am?

I don't know!  I do know that with more money comes more responsibility.  Why would I want that for my already stressed out self?  Why can't I stop being an overachiever in the workplace? 

A lot of my self worth comes from the job that I do and the money that I make.  Will that one day cause me to crash and burn?  Will it ever be enough?

Admitting to that a large part of my self worth comes from my job and the money I make makes me sad because I know that that's not what life is about.  This is why people leave Corporate America.  I mean I actually feel sick to my stomach writing this. 

What will it take to make me realize that the calm and quiet are worth more than a paycheck?

And what happens after this project is over and I don't achieve my anticipated goal?  I mean imagine the dissapointment.  I'll resent myself for giving so much of my time and energy to something I just said I knew wasn't what's important in life.  I'll resent my employer.  Crazy because like I said, I know this was not expected of me.  It's a lose, lose, and that's never a good situation. 

And if I do come out on top?  Will this madness stop?  I mean, can you stop a freight train?  It may sound dramatic but that's the way this side of me is.  

It feels good to get this all out of my head.  And please know that I'm not complaining y'all (still watching too much Southern Charm and now the Private Lives of Nashville Wives obviously).  Just a brain dump.  It helps clear my head which usually helps me refocus and charge on.  I hope you've all had an amazing weekend.  Thanks for reading and let's chat soon.  XO  

Favorite Friday v.13

I'm alive!  Have you guys missed me?  You probably didn't even realize I was gone with all the other blogs in the sea, but that's ok.  Just doing a quick drive by to say hello and share my latest obsession with you all.

I first saw this dress in black and white and loved it, but the yellow, it's on a whole new level.  It screams Spring to me and for under $100, yes please.  I'm envisioning it with a more casual shoe though (like these silver sneaks).  What do you guys think?  I sure do hope you've all had a great week.  I'll be back in business full time after April 4th.  In the meantime, I'll be thinking of you and popping in when I can.  XO.  

Saint Patty's Day Shennagians with Shannon

 

Happy Saint Patty's Day!  This is me hugging a teddy bear after a few cocktails back in August of 2010.   Why I was wearing shamrock sunnies indoors in August is beyond me, but hey, I thought it would work for today's post, so there.  This picture actually reminds me of this past Christmas in NJ.  I don't know what it is about my brother and sister in-laws house, but I always end up doing something wired with a giant stuffed something or other while I'm visiting.  Let's just say my snuggling the teddy bear was PG compared to what was going on with Santa over the holidays (get your heads out of the gutter).  Good thing these people are required to have me in their family by law! 

Anyways, last week I started things off on a positive note when I wrote about the things I was feeling grateful for.  It helped you guys.  My week was no less hectic than any other week lately, but somehow I didn't feel as negative and down about things as I had in past weeks.  Maybe it was a fluke, maybe not, either way I'm going to give it a go again this week.

Today I'm feeling grateful for:

Finding and hiring a replacement receptionist.  With everything I have going on at work right now, it's great to be able to check something off of my to-do list.  My new hire is picking things up really quickly and she has the best attitude.  Just what I need right now.

The fresh fruit and veggies D picked up on Friday.  I've been eating so poorly lately that my body has actually started to crave mangoes and cucumbers.  I need nutrients.

My housekeeper who keeps my house from being condemned.

The amazing support I received from you guys when I confessed to smoking again.  I'm done.

Free lunch at work today in honor of Saint Patty's.

Reaching 75 readers on Bloglovin'.  It's been tough getting posts out lately and I haven't had the time I'd like for reading blogs and getting back to all of you.  This milestone was the motivation I needed to keep going during this busy time.  THANK YOU ALL.

Now focus on the positive with me and let me know what you're grateful for right now.  Hugs friends.  XO

Tips For Moving Out Of State

Moving from NY to FL

Did you guys know I was a New Yorker for a few years?  Now don't go getting all wild eyed and dreamy about how amazing it must have been to live in Manhattan, we lived in Williamsville, NY, a suburb of Buffalo.  Why is it that anytime you say you lived in NY everyone automatically assumes you're talking about the city, like Manhattan is the only place in the entire state?  Anyways, after being New Yorkers for about three years, we decided to head south, WAY south to Miramar, Florida.  Not my favorite place on earth, in fact, I'm pretty sure Miramar, FL is what hell would be like if I believed in such a place.  Needless to say a year later I was beyond happy to head back home to the great state of California!  We had come full circle.
 

Whether you're move is something you've wanted for years, or it's a mandated by your job, it's stressful.  Hell, even moving locally is stressful.  Packing your things while trying to work and maintain a semi-normal lifestyle, good luck.  Finding a moving company who won't break all your shit, and if they do, who is properly insured so that you're compensated, good luck.  

Out of state or cross country moves are like stress on top of stress.  Often times you don't have much more than a three day weekend to find a place to live.  How do you get your cars there?  I don't know about you, but I wasn't about to drive from CA to NY.  Let me stop you there, get any ideas of the worlds greatest road trip out of your head, especially if you're traveling with pets.  While we flew from CA to NY (which was it's own nightmare), D and I decided to drive from NY to FL.  Petal to the metal the entire way.  We ate all of our meals at the gas stations we stopped to refuel at.  One night in a crappy hotel (they're aren't a lot of 5 stars along the highway that will accommodate travels with pets) and we were all miserable.  I mean look at these faces, and my arm.

The girls traveling from NY to FL

My arm after getting the girls from NY to FL

So yea, you've arrived.  Now it's time to get a new drivers license.  That's a real fun process when you're legally blind, every state has different requirements you know.  You've got to re-register to vote, register your cars, get new license plates, find new doctors, new dentists, new churches, a new job, new friends.  It's totally and completely life changing.  Lord help those who move to a new country.  I mean on top everything above, having to complete immigration paperwork, learning a new language a new currency, and I'm sure a million other things.

For five years D and I were moving machines.  Selling, buying, selling, renting, renting and buying houses all along the way (that's the actual sequence of things).  The first time around things were exciting and completely frightening all at once.  With each move we gained more experience some of which I'll be sharing with you today.

1. Don't buy clothes until you get to where you're going.  We moved from San Diego to Williamsville in early March, which means full blown winter.  I remember trying to shop for clothes for an east coast winter here at my local mall.  What a joke!  Good golly I was so young and naive.  Me being the planner that I am though, I wanted to be prepared.  Let me tell you, there's no way to prepare for -19 degree temps in a climate where the average temperature is 72.  Bring what you have and wait to shop in your new home state.  True story, when we landed at the Buffalo airport before I had even stepped outside, I started crying because it was so cold.  Day 1 and I was already crying!

This is me in Buffalo after our first night at the crappy Holiday Inn (again, your choices are few and far between when you're traveling with pets).   I'm attempting to wipe the snow off of our rental car so we can go buy a heating blanket.  My advice, save your money and buy a heated mattress pad instead #soworthit.

2. Explore, not just your town or the largest nearby city, but your state and your coast.  Life is full of change and you never know how long you'll be somewhere, so make the most of it.  Trust me it's a lot less expensive to get from FL to SC than it is from CA to SC.  We took full advantage of our east coast locations and made multiple trips to Canada, Philadelphia, and to Penn State to attend football games (D's alma mator).  We spent our weekends and holidays in FL driving from coast to coast spending time D's parents.  My only regret, not making it to Key West.

We Are Penn State!

3. Bring along your favorite food or brands.  Almost everything will be an adjustment and not being able to find your favorite brand of mayo might just put you over the edge.  Hellmanns???  I never did find sourdough bread in NY and D had to continuously order his hair product online because we couldn't find it anywhere in FL.  This may seem like a small things, but every little comfort you can provide yourself helps. 

4. Cheer for the local sports teams.  I'm not saying sell out, I'm just saying join in and cheer for the home team (if they're not playing your team of course).  Little things like this will help you feel a bit more connected to the people in your new state.  Something about drinking beer and cheering for the same outcome does that for you.

D and I at the first Winter Classic cheering on the Buffalo Sabres

5. Have a trip back home planned before you leave for your new state.  I don't care what anyone says, the first time you really truly fly the coupe and go it alone with no family or friends is hard.  And I'm not talking college either because I've been there, done that, this is different.  Believe me when I say, you'll miss being connected to people who know you, connected to the familiar.  Even if it's a year out, have something planned, you'll need it.

6. Embrace the culture.  Buffalo had a huge Polish community.  Florida had lots of Latin influence.  Eat the food, go to a festival or an art show.  I'm now addicted to this fantastic Colombian soup, ajiaco, which I never would have discovered had I not stepped out of my comfort zone and experienced the culture that only living in a new state brought me.

7.  Negotiate your realtor's commission (whether you're buying or selling).  Each state may have different rates, but I believe the average is 3%.  Always negotiate that, even if it's just by half a percent.  Every time you sell a home you're losing your hard earned money to realtor commissions, Fight to keep as much of it as possible.  There are lots of fish in the sea so if one realtor doesn't agree, find another.

8.  Make a list of all your vendor contacts (the car carrier, the moving company, your real estate agent, hotels you'll be staying in, your pets veterinarian etc.).  Scrambling to find a number while you're on the road is not always easy, so take some of the stress off yourself and be prepared.

9.  Plan on things not working out according to plan.  We had to move hotels after we arrived in Buffalo because the house we purchased ended up closing a day late and the hotel we booked for the previous two nights was sold out.  Not fun no, but when you're making a big move these things are bound to happen.  Prepare yourself mentally for a few bumps in the road.

10.  Like number 8, make a list of things you need to do post move.  All of the things I mentioned above, plus about a million others.  You don't want to wait until you have an emergency situation to find a doctor.  Getting yourself established in your new state as quickly as possible is key.  If you guys want, I can put together a checklist for you?  Let me know.

Sounds pretty overwhelming right, well it is, but the above will definitely help ease the transition a bit.  Would I do it again, in a heartbeat.  Will I do it again, never say never.  Have you guys made an out of state move?  What are some moving tips you have to share?

A Real Woman

Yep, that's what I'm calling myself today.  A real woman isn't afraid to share all of the random, lame and disgusting shit about herself.  She farts in front of her man.  She confesses to chin hair and anything and everything else she may feel like sharing at the time, but especially on Wednesdays.  So here you go, this weeks confessions!

I was all proud of myself for choosing a quinoa salad with roasted chicken over a burger and fries for lunch yesterday.  I even tooted my own horn on Facebook and Instagram.  Go me!  What you didn't see was the bag of frozen tator tots I had for dinner.  I'm such a gourmet.

I totally planned to hook up with the always fabulous Amanda for Shit Men Say, but after a long day at work and a bag of tots, I was out like a light at 7 o'clock.

I take super long baths, like we're talking 2-3 hours and 3-4 tubs full of fresh water later.  Guilty pleasure?  No, that would require I feel guilty.

I've started growing some strange baby hairs at the front of my hairline.  They look crazy when my hairs up in a pony.  Wth is going on here, anyone know???

Look at the hiars on the right side of the pictures?

 I smoked last weekend.  It was great, but I absolutely don't want to make it a habit.  But I doooo want to make it a habit.  Somebody help me please.  Seriously, I went more than 6 years without a cigarette...this sucks.

I'm a shut in.  Unless I'm expecting you, if you knock on my door I'm not answering it.  Sorry Girl Scouts.

And now in closing, I will shamelessly sell some of my gently used goods here on my blog.
Red and tortoiseshell Ray-Bans , $60

All-black Ray-Bans (seen here), $60 SOLD
Clairsonic Mia 2, $100
Want more pictures or have questions, email me.  Buyer pays shipping but I manage a mail room (amongst other things) so I'm pretty sure I can get you a good deal :)

That's it for today y'all (I'm clearing watching too much Southern Charm because I live in California and have no other reason to be talking like that).  Confess right along with me why don't you.  

The Power Of Choice

Last week when I wrote this, there was this little nagging voice inside my head saying "don't do it. write about what you're grateful for instead."  I clearly didn't listen to that voice, but I'm glad to know it exists.  It's important to cultivate it, to make it stronger and to soften some of the other more negative voices that seem to take center stage more often than not.  Today, on a semi-bad day, I'm going to give it a try here.  Perspective is everything after all isn't it?

I'm so grateful for:

My job.  I may not be doing what I want in life (which is, I don't know), but I'm good at what I do and it pays the bills.

My man who gets me and who doesn't try to change me and all of my in-perfectness.  Ninety percent of the time he takes my mood swings with a grain of salt and he remains the calm balanced person I need him to be.  Super blessed in this department.

My trip to Las Vegas in 47 days!  Hotel booked, dinner reservations made, facial scheduled.  It's going to be a good one.

The flight I booked this weekend to San Francisco for a girls weekend in August.

My baby Beeps who turns 10 this month.

Beeps and I taking selfies!  Follow us on Instagram

The amazing chicken tikka I had for lunch today.

Black coffee, especially if it's served in fine china on a lazy Sunday at home and it's accompanied by some breakfast chocolate.

Garbage t.v. like the Real Housewives of anywhere and my newest find Southern Charm.  There's nothing like crappy reality t.v. to get you out of your own head.

The friendships I'm building here.

The beautiful sun that is still shining at 6:27!  Remember guys, I don't drive at night so this is freedom for me.

My new little Buddha gifted to me today by a co-worker.

Being childfree and getting to go to bed super early tonight to make up for the time change and staying up too late last night.

I guess the key is focusing on the things we're grateful for rather than the things that are disturbing us right.  What are you grateful for today?

Nordstrom March Make An Entrance Picks

Maybe it's because I have a fantastic getaways on the horizon, which I of course will need a few new pieces for, or because it's 80 degrees and absolutely perfect here in San Diego, I'm so ready for Spring and a refresh,  In either case the March Nordstrom catalog has me flipping out, literally.  I mean I want pretty much everything!  Get settled in ladies, this is going to be a long flight.  Who's ready for Spring?  I know all my favorite East Coasters are.

Gold statement necklace for $68, heck yeah.  This beauty will go with everything from a white tee to amazing shift dress.  In case you haven't figured it out by now, I love me some big, bold, jewelry.  The matching cuffs are gorgeous too, but I'm definitely more of a necklace gal myself.

This look is totally appealing to my inner cool girl.  I mean look at the zips on the pants.  Hey, did I tell you guys the good news???  Come March 31st I've got the green light to wear jeans to work all day everyday, woot woot!  This is the perfect casual/professional look don't you think?  Seriously, the zips on these Paige Marley skinnies (even the style name is cool) are amazing.  I already have the Paige Skyline in white (which are fantastic and on-sale my friends) but these are definitely different enough to justify a purchase in my book and hey, you can never have enough white denim when you live in Southern California.  And for those of you with money to burn, the top and Jimmy Choo shoes. 

If you don't want to spend $$$ but you want some amazing denim, try KUT from the Kloth.  I don't know why, but I don't seem to like their colors/styles in the Fall and Winter, but every SpringSummer they come out with at least one pair of jeans I know I have to have.  My favorite boyfriend jeans are KUT (confession, I've worn them for the last 3 days now, without washing them).  They fit amazing and are super comfy.  These caught my eye this year and will be coming home with me.

So as you may know, I've had my eye on a military inspired light weight jacket for some time now.  I've almost bought 2 or 3 of them in the last 6 months but for some reason keep coming home empty handed.  THIS IS WHY!  I was waiting for this amazing studded jacket to come along, she's on her way.  And now guys, I told you about these shorts (here).  This is your final warning.  If you want some shorts that aren't daisy dukes, fit amazing, and are at an amazing price point, these are them.  They will no doubt sell out in your size, they always do.  If you're even remotely interested, pick up a pair.

Hands down this Alexis Bittar Lion Charm bracelet is my favorite item in the catalog.  It's whimsical, you know I have a thing for cats, and I love the mix of metal and the pop of color.   The necklace ain't half bad either. 

Ok, first off, her nails are amazing.  Then, the bracelets, I only discovered Simon Sebbag back in January, and wow, love the stones and the quality.  What do you guys think?  Do you like the white or the yellow best?  I''m leaning towards the white, but I can't decide.

And yes, I am a broken record.  I'm back telling you once again about how fabulous Zella leggings are.  I swear I'm not a Zella sales rep.  I'm loving the new pink for Spring!  As I confessed on Wednesday, I need to lose some junk in my trunk, too many carbs and sweets in my diet, not to mention days on the couch.  A fun new piece of workout wear (or lounge wear which is more accurate these days) always helps give me a bit of a jump start.

Take a peek and let me know what you're loving.  Hoping you've all enjoyed a beautiful weekend!

And now a disclaimer.  I am using Nordstrom affiliate links.  If you click on these links and you buy something, I make a commission.  Same goes for the Nordstrom and Saks banners in my side bar.  Nobody is forcing you to buy anything, but if you do, why not make your purchase though Brass Honey so I get a little something, something.  If you have a problem with this #sorrynotsorry.  Xo

Confession Mayhem

Forgive any and all typos.  I'm writing this post from the comfort of my bathtub, on my iPad, one double Moscow Mule in.  As you all know by now, I'm blind, so this is a pretty scary combination.  If you see the word smile (sle) or any other word missing a few letters at least now you'll know why.

Anyways, confession number 1 of confession mayhem.  I was going to skip this week's linkup with the lovely Kathy.  You know, I've had a long day blah, blah, blah.  I love you all so much but the thought of a tipsy night of nothingness was pretty alluring.  Obviously I couldn't bring myself to do it, this is after all my favorite linkup.  Despite the fact that things are cray around here, I miss you guys.

So yes, not let's talk about my super long day at the office.  You don't know this, because I haven't shared it with you, but I work for a multi hundred million dollar company that is moving it's corporate office into a major-league baseball park.  I've been working on this project for year now and we're less than four weeks away from moving our employees into a 1924 restored candy factory.

My jobs has been anything but typical these last few months.  Today I spent my day at a brick yard (there's something about the words brick yard I really love.  I've been using it at every opportunity. Saw it with me now...brick yard) and later at the construction site.  I am so living in a mans world right now.  I mean at every meeting I'm the only woman with a crew of 10-12 men.  It's such a strange thing.  I've kept a pair of flats in the car with me at all times these days because I never know where my job is going to take me.  If I disappear for a few days, you now know why.  You also no why I'm drinking a double Moscow Mule.

Until today I haven't written about my mom.  Still trying to figure out how I want to manage that part of my life here, but I will say that some people will never change and you either have to accept them for who they are, or you have to close that chapter in your life and move on.  I've tried and failed at both in this particular relationship.  I'm back to closing the chapter and have found myself singing Let It Go from the movie Frozen like a million times today. 

I've eaten nothing but bagels, pizza and chips today and I have the worst gas!

An old friend from the dorms who I've reconnected with over the last two years has accepted my invitation to San Francisco for a girls weekend.  The thought of this trip has had me smiling for days now.  I don't get along with most girls and I haven't had a girls weekend in 4 or 5 years so I'm playing this one out in my head: martini bars, karaoke, tattoos.  I'm obsessed with the possibilities that his weekend will hold.

D works Sundays and I absolutely cherish my quiet time alone at the house. 

I cheated on my nail girl and went elsewhere on Sunday.  It doesn't pay to cheat people, my nails look like shit.

I NEED to lose 5 lbs (or tone up, I'm not picky) before D and I go away at the end of April.  My thighs look horrible.  Why can't my extra weight go to my boobs???  Somebody help me train.  I need to hit the gym.

Ok so this wasn't really mayhem was it, but the title got you in here to read my post huh?  Hugs guys. Next up is post #100!  I honestly can't believe I'm still here, but I'm so happy I am.  Xo

You Get What You Get

This is what you get when I don't know what to write, lucky you.  It's happened once before (here).  From my journal dated 7/23/2012

The hurt is greater because I never expected it from you.
I didn't want to think that you were flawed too.
Your words were so harsh, but you were probably hurting too.
Now it's hard to tell if your love for me was real.
Probably the biggest disappointment of them all.

Where I'd Be If It Was Only Me

I let myself go there this weekend.  I mentioned (here) that I sometimes have these fears that D is going to die at work and that I'll be left a young widow.  There's something really powerful and comforting about knowing where I'll go and how I'll live if that ever does happen.

I'm in San Francisco in the tiniest little house, more like a stand alone room.  My little house is in the shadow behind a big huge house.  It's shielded from the busy street.  It's just me, and the cats of course.  No car, no stove, no tv, it's a very simple quiet life.  I go to work, I take long walks, I do things I don't do now.  It's the first time I'm ever really alone.